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Newsflash – Angry Al Hacks Jim’s Blog!

Hello blog tarts or whatever you readers of blogs call yourself. I’m bloody angry. That Jim, he’s a bastard and a coward. I knew he would make off as soon as I came round. What a shifty two faced shit bag he is. This is his blog I suppose? “Life Beyond Booze” indeed. What a joke. The man has lost all sense and reason, and, he’s a snivelling traitor I’ll tell you that. You know he didn’t even have the courage to tell me face to face that our friendship was over. I heard about it on another “blog.” 45 years I’ve known Jim, stood by him, been with him through thick and thin and this is how he treats me, discarded like, well like an old beer can. That’s not how you treat your friends is it?

I’ll tell you something else, Jim won’t last 10 minutes without me. Nope. In fact he’s nothing without me and wouldn’t be the man he is today without my guiding influence. For one thing I reckon he’d still be a virgin but for me. I remember him as a shy, insecure nerd incapable of getting off with girls. Once I came along he’s suddenly Mr, “Hello there what’s your name,”rubbish lines, but said with a conviction and confidence. He actually got laid unbelievably but only because of me.

Maybe my new advertising campaign?

And I suppose he’s forgotten all the good times we had together. mad nights singing in the streets, telling rude jokes at fancy dinner parties, dancing as though he was a chicken on steroids. All down to me. Now he’s suddenly come over all self righteous and thinks he is going to improve his life and his health. What a joke. With me people laugh more, relax more, enjoy life more. That’s got to help people lead a longer life hasn’t it? What could be better for your health than gallons of wine. I tell you I am a gift from God, I’m loved around the world, you’ll see me on every street corner so why on earth would he throw all that away.

I blame you lot out there. Yes you, you smug bloggers, putting foolish ideas into Jim’s head. He’s going to end up throwing away the best friend he’s ever had. Girls have come and gone, friends have moved away , some have died. The only real constant in his life has beenme and now he wants to throw it all away. You’ve twisted his thinking. Well I hope you lot are happy separating a man from his best friend.

You know what though? I’m not going to go away. I know Jim must have been led astray. There’s no way he would suddenly reject me after all these years without someone, and yes, I mean you again, influencing, nay brainwashing him. Sober = Boring and Jim is going to find that out. I’ll stick around. I am calming down a bit now. I’ll stay on the sidelines, I won’t say anything but I’ll be there, always just in sight. he won’t be able to avoid me, always hovering with my tempting array of wines, beers and spirits. Eventually he will come to his senses, he won’t be the first to try and life without me and he won’t be the last. I’ll just bide my time and when the moment is right, I’ll plonk myself right at his side and offer him the comfort and pleasure that only I can provide. Then you lot will see who’s boss.

Yes, that’s it, I didn’t need to get so agitated. I’ll let Jim get this sobriety nonsense out of his system and he will come running back to me begging for forgiveness. You wait and see. If you see Jim, you can tell him I popped by. If you don’t no worries, I’m pretty sure he’ll be knocking on my door pretty soon anyway.

Cheers and salut

Al Cahole

(The man to see for some deadly serious fun!)

Why Moderation Has Not Worked For Me.

Oh Dear. Just summoned up the courage to look at my last post. What a sorry state to get into. I feel embarrassed by it’s juvenile, self indulgent melancholia. Part of me wants to delete the rambling, incoherent nonsense but I’ll keep it for the time being to remind myself of a state I do not want to revisit any time soon. Strip away the nonsense and bad language (apologies for that) and I suppose there is existential pain that I’m sure many people feel from time to time. I want to say to myself’ “Jim, get a grip.”

The most interesting thing about yesterday was how a perfectly innocent little Sunday turned into a fully fledged solo binge drinking session. It sums up why I need to stop. Yesterday was crying out for moderation, it shoukld have been the norm, there was no reason or excuse for excess.

Context. I went for a walk to get some groceries with my partner. Our village has no shop so we walked across the fields to a nearby village. It was sunny and by the river people were sitting outside the pub enjoying a convivial, lazy, family Sunday. I noticed the cold drinks, the creamy pints of Guiness, cold lagers, clinking glasses full of lemony G and Ts. I fancied a drink. I guess I’m not alone in the way I manipulate situations just to get a drink, but I am good at it. My partner just wanted to get the shopping so suggesting a drink probably wouldn’t work. Too obvious. Instead I spied an empty bench near the pub by the river. I became the wily fox disguised as gentleman, “Hey, why dont you sit down here and I’ll get the shopping, no need for two of us to go to the shop.”

I get to the shop, quickly buy the food and spy an offer- free beers with certain BBQ foods. Perfect. I put the beers in my basket. I also find a small can of beer but which is very strong in alcohol. Looks insignificant but packs a punch, again, perfect. The plan needs a really nice drink for my partner- an expensive smoothie. I top it off with some snacks. Hey we are having a picnic. I go back to the bench and say I bought some drinks and snacks.

It works, my partner thinks this is nice. I’ve had to turn my desire for a drink into a picnic but its succeeded. The small can does its trick. I feel at peace. I feel the love all around the place, people enjoying the sunshine. Ah this is great I think, only alcohol can give me this moment of blissful surrender. But of course I want more I open one of the bottles and then another. I know I can’t drink more without bringing attention to myself, but the damage is done. All I want to do now is drink more.

We get home and I start the BBQ as I want to try out some recipes prior to the big family BBQ this coming Sunday. Again this is an event I have organised mainly for the purpose of enabling me to have my last big drink with my sons although no one knows this is my plan. Back to the BBQ. I’m alone outside and the garage is full of beer and wine. No need to hide or disguise the bottles and I suddenly find myself opening beers, and, come time to eat, I open a fine bottle of cold rose.

My partner has a small amount of wine in her glass but doesn’t even finish that. I do finish it as well as the rest of the bottle. She says I am a bit squiffy. I already feel bad about drinking so much when there’s absolutely no call for it. We go to watch a film and I immediately fall asleep. Not fair on my partner but then drinking is a pretty selfish enterprise. Somewhere in all this , I must have gone upstairs and written last night’s post.

Today I had a hangover and met the guys I play football with. Within minutes I sprained my thigh and had to pull out of playing. What a wreck. What a mess.

Yesterday should have been perfect for moderation. A beer by the river and a glas of wine with the food would have been just right, but no, I had to drink by my reckoning around 20 units of alcohol or the equivalent of two bottles of wine. Now this isn’t a daily occurence but it does sometimes happen, too frequently. I spent two years trying moderation. I logged every drink, counted units. Moderation was hard work. I tried to make sure I had at least 2 or 3 alcohol free days every week and I managed to keep my drink down to an average of 45-50 units a week. (the UK guidelines say a safe level is no more than 14 units a week.) I was fairly happy with 50 units a week, the trouble was I’d drink those units over a few nights at the weekend. Sober during the week, pissed at weekends. Not really moderation is it?

And it is my fault. I chose to drink heavily from a young age. It’s caught up with me now and has started to control me which I hate. I regret letting this happen as I know I’m about to give up something that has been impotant in my life for a long time and it’s not just the alcohol, it’s all that goes with it; beer festivals, pints with mates, drinking and opening up to friends, cosy evenings in snug country pubs. Lot’s to miss. A way of life.

But there are moments where we have to make big choices and this, for me is one of those times.I’m more than just a drinker. This blog has a focus but it can distort. There is more to me than just my drinking. I tutor students, I run drama workshops , I play music; I’m a therapist and I volunteer for a national charity . These are the things that bring real meaning to my life and drink is beginning to sap my energy and take me away from these things, so stop it must.

In my next posts I want to start focussing on the positives of my decision. I’ll be losing some things but I’ll be gaining so much more, as my three months earlier this year without alcohol showed me. In my countdown to giving up there needs to be a shift from loss and regret to hope and anticipation. There will be massive benefits to giving up alcohol and that needs to become my focus.

Finally I’d like to say a massive thank you to all the bloggers out there who I have been following and whose stories are so inspirational. Reading them makes me realise that not only is sobriety possible, thepotential benefits makes it desirable.

Sorry for the long post today. I know there are a few readers and thanks for the helpful comments. This blog is helping me clarify a few things.

Thanks for stopping by.

Jim

why we drink

Ok Im giving up in two weeks. in the meantime Im drinking because I am giving up something important to me and I a am scared of giving it up.

I think I am drunk. probably purposely. a Sunday lunchtime seeing people enjoying themselves by the river. Ok I can drink, it’s what everyone else is doing. Ill just drink a bit more than everyone else. Back home. It’s OK Ill drink because. we are having and impromptu BBQ. Yeh. An excuse to get pissed.

~~~~here's the rub, the nub, the bloody reason why- I drink and the world seems suddenly nicer. I look at my partner, my house- what a lucky man I am. I see it now I'm drunk. Nice, I don't see it when I'm sober. that's shit, I don't know what I really feel. ~Is this the best of times, the worst of times? Fuck knows. But why do I feel the need to get into this state in order to feel alive. or is it dead. “““““““not sure. One thing I know in this inebriated state is – Not feeling good about myself.

I shouldn't post this and yet I must post this. This is how I am when drinking. Ive been euphoric and depressed, happy and fucked. not a great way to be.

Ending an Abusive Relationship

Obvious fact number 1- If I had a good relationship with alcohol, I wouldn’t be writing this blog

Obvious fact number 2- A “good” relationship is one where both parties get something positive from the relationship

Obvious fact number 3- My relationship with alcohol is not good

Obvious fact mumber 4- Abusive relationships cause harm and pain

Many of my friends have a good, controlled relationship with drink. They take it or leave it, they can enjoy a glass of fine wine, sip a cold beer before doing something entirely different. They have lives not dominated by thoughts of alcohol. Me? I’m the opposite. I look at events coming up- will there be alcohol, who can I get to drive so I can drink? How to stop myself at such events getting pissed and sounding off about the state of the world?

Then I might have to plan some non alcohol days, they’ll be some craving for sure but there will also be that empty sense of, “so what do I do now without alcohol.” Alcohol has started to dominate my life. There’s very little I can do without alcohol peering over my shoulder and suggesting I take her with me. She pretends she likes me that this time we will have a good time, nothing to worry about. In short alcohol and I are in an abusive relationship. Alcohol holds me back, makes me feel crap about myself, makes me overeat, doesn’t like it if I do things without her,gives me the impression a few moments with her will make me forget the nagging sense of emptiness and unfulfilled promise that dominates my life. Wow, that sounded depressing. Hold on, it gets worse. She also has made me feel ill at times , gives me three day hangovers and even depresses my libido. What a bastard she is!

Except of course it’s not just her. It takes two to make a relationship, and I have often abused her. At university I thought it would be cool to out drink my fellow students, be someone who could drink a skinful and still stand up semi coherent. I made her attend all my social events not just the ones you might expect and I encouraged others to join me in abusing my dear friend alcohol. I abused her, she abused me. It’s been going on for 45 years. I think it’s called co-dependency

Sometimes people wonder why anyone would stay in an abusive relationship. Well for me and alcohol there’s several reasons:

  • I didn’t recognise it as abusive until fairly recently
  • I still get something from the relationship (fun, forgetting, changed state of mind)
  • At least it’s a relationship
  • It’s the glue for many of my other relationships
  • It’s familiar and has stuck with me where others have not
  • Maybe I deserve the abuse, maybe I CRAVE THE ABUSE

At some point most people do realise they have to leave an abusive relationship if they want to survive. I’m at that point. I don’t think and alcohol and I can be friends any longer. She keeps luring me back but the benefits are getting less and less whilst the negatives are stacking up big time. Like ex lovers we have to stay apart knowing that if we do get together we forget our promises and throw ourselves into an orgy of sensual love making only to feel guilty the next day. (OK , I know, I’m getting carried away with the metaphor now)

You get my point. Ours never was and can never be a moderate, mature, respectable relationship. We are too alike. She was good to me in the early days and we have had some great times, but I have to get away. We are hurting each other.

Update

I originally thought I was stopping on the 4th September but it will be the 1st as I mixed up a couple of social events. In the meantime I carry on drinking. Milton Erikson is the father of modern hypnotherapy. One of his patients was grossly overweight and tried all the diets. She saw Erikson and he told her to put on extra weight. She was confused but did what he said. He told her to put on more. She begged him to stop telling her to put on weight. It worked- she became so disgusted with herself that she changed her eating habits. She overcame her eating and weight problem. Now there’s a thought.

Thanks for stopping by.

Jim x

Man About to Give Up Alcohol- Exclusive Interview

Our correspondent, Yura Kiddinme, talks to a slightly confused Jim Simmonds about his upcoming challenge and his new Blog, “former drinker”

YK: Good morning Jim, thanks for doing this interview. I’d like to talk to you today about your new blog entitled “former drinker.”

JS: Hi Yura, yes I’m very excited about the blog and glad to talk about it with you.

YK: Great! so Jim the new blog is all about giving up alcohol.

JS: that’s absolutely right Yura a brand-new blog all about giving up alcohol.

YK: Jim I’m going to ask you straight, forgive the directness: are you an alcoholic?

JS: Great question Yura. The answer is a resounding “no”. Sure, I drink very heavily, can’t seem to moderate how much I drink, I also obsess about alcohol whenever I have to go into social situations and it’s beginning to affect my health and well-being. Other than that though I’ve got it completely under control.

 YK: Yeah okay Jim. Maybe when we finish this interview you might want to look up the term denial. Anyway let’s press on.

J S: Absolutely

YK: I guess it’s early days but how’s it going Jim with this “giving up alcohol?”

JS: Ah, well you see I haven’t actually started giving up yet, that is still a few days away.

YK: But Jim, you’ve called your blog “former drinker,” how does that work if you’ve not actually given up drinking yet?

JS: That’s an excellent question. You see I will be a former drinker but that will be in a couple of weeks time. In the meantime I’m gearing up to being a former drinker. It’s all about the preparation.

YK: Right so you’re still drinking, not strictly speaking a former drinker then are you? At least I suppose you’re using this time before stopping drinking to wind down your alcohol intake, is that right?

JS: To be honest if anything my alcohol consumption has been ramping up these last few weeks. In fact I’m probably drinking more now than I’ve had in ages.

YK: Jim I’m not getting a good feeling about all of this; so you’re telling me that in the run-up to not drinking you’re actually drinking more than ever before? That hardly inspires confidence that you can I give up. So why the increase in alcohol consumption?

JS: Yes I can see you’re a bit confused, it’s a bit counterintuitive. Reality is I like drinking…

YK: Woah…let’s stop there Jim. You’re about to give up alcohol and yet you’re telling me that you love drinking. Jim are you an idiot?

JS: That’s  interesting and you’re not the first person to ask me that question. But let me explain. I love drinking but I can’t carry on drinking.

YK: you love drinking but you can’t carry on? What is going on here Jim? 

JS: Look, I drink heavily, I like my drinking but it’s got to the point where I cannot be moderate in my drinking so what’s happened is I’m spending too long thinking about it and planning around it, it’s affecting my health, my sleep, my weight. I love it but I also hate it and it’s time for the alcohol to go.

YK: okay I think we’re getting somewhere now Jim. It’s harmful, you can’t moderate so you are giving up. So why not just give up now, why the delay?

J S: Will two main reasons I suppose. Firstly if I’m going to give up alcohol and it’s something I like then I want to enjoy a few days where I can drink before I finally put it behind me. Secondly I think I want to drink excessively so I actually remember what it’s like to feel sick of drinking, to wake up with a hangover, to feel nauseous, to experience bad sleep, excess weight.  To remember  those things, I think, will help me in the future.

YK: Jim this seems a very unique approach to abstinence. Are you sure you’re not just mad?

JS: look you got to do what’s right for you. In my mind this approach makes sense, it feels right therefore that’s what I’m going to do.

YK: I can respect that Jim if it’s an approach that brings results, then why not go for it. I’m guessing that you’ve experienced other success using this simple approach in other areas of your life Jim?

JS: actually no, not really. For example I’ve been trying to lose weight for several years now using my own individual approach. In fact this year I managed to lose nearly a stone in weight believe it or not.

YK: that’s brilliant Jim and how’s the diet now.

J S: well I’ve actually put it all on in the last couple of months and in fact got even heavier than I was at the start of trying to lose weight.

YK: so could we say that’s been a little short of success?

JS: no I think we can call it an abject failure.

YK: Jim again this is not exactly creating a feeling of confidence in your new venture. Why do you think this giving up of alcohol will be successful when you’ve experienced so many failures in trying to change in the past?

JS: I’ll tell you why. Because earlier this year I vowed to give up alcohol for three months and I succeeded and so I now think I’ll give up for a year and I know I can follow that through.

YK: and how was it giving up to 3 months, did you find it difficult?

JS: sure it was difficult but I found that it was socially and psychologically more difficult then it was physiologically. So staying at home during the week and not drinking was not too bad but as soon as Friday came along I could feel that old association of “it’s the weekend’ treat yourself’ let your hair down, have a drink.” When I went out to a restaurant I could suddenly feel that craving because of the association that every time I go out for a meal I drink alcohol. Every time I socialise with friends in the evening I drink alcohol so it was the associations that created the real cravings and that I found interesting.

YK: and Jim you say you’re going to do a year. Why not just give up completely and be done with it?

JS: When I gave up to 3 months,part of the reason I could do it was that I knew that it wasn’t a once and for all decision. I knew That I could go back to it after three months if I wanted to which is what I did. But there was also part of me wanting to not go back to drink.I think if I said never again when I next had those real cravings I’d give in as I couldn’t imagine dealing with those cravings for the rest of my life.  Having a craving but only having to deal with it for weeks is easier. So if I say one year I I can imagine that, I can imagine a year without drinking knowing that if it was an awful experience if I felt I was missing out socially and in other ways I could go back to it but what I’m hoping for is that with one year under my belt, feeling physically better and being  more productive,I’m hoping that I will say no way am I going back to drinking. That will be the point when I can truly think of myself as a former drinker.

YK: okay Jim well you certainly have a very individual approach to this and I’m guessing once you get into not drinking you are going to become something of Crusader, waging war against the evil drink?

JS: no, not at all. Believe me, if I could drink moderately and sensibly like many of my friends I would carry on drinking. My problem is for lots of different reasons I’m rubbish at moderating my intake and that’s not just alcohol. I’ma bit excessive all round. So no, those people who enjoy a little drink, fine no problem. But I know there are plenty of people like me and worse where drinking has really messed up aspects of their life. Now if one of those persons rethinks their relationship with regard to alcohol that would be a bonus.

YK: okay well thanks Jim that was very informative. I hope, against the odds, that you’ll be successful in your campaign to stop drinking. I shall follow your progress keenly by reading your blog. I wish you well.

JS: Thanks. I’ll drink to that. Well for the next week and a bit anyway.

RIP David Berman so sad that he took his life last week. Loved his music with the Silver Jews. Just listened to the purple mountains stuff he was about to tour with- “all my happiness is gone” track that says it all – not able to overcome those demons- the music lives on!

Alcohol is not the problem- I am

Well let me qualify that attention seeking title. Of course alcohol is a powerful, addictive psychoactive drug that can play havoc with minds and bodies and cause numerous problems for individuals and societies; but, if alcohol by itself was the problem, everyone who drank alcohol would be a problem drinker and that is again clearly not the case.

FINDING YOUR PLACE ON THE CONTINUUM

like most things, alcohol use and abuse is on a continuum. Obvious I know, but for me, I need to remind myself of that. I have enjoyed alcohol for many years and I’m already missing the thought of it three weeks before giving up. I am giving up because I’m rubbish at moderation and its impact on me means its time to choose- carry on with the alcohol with the negative impact it now has and risk early death and impaired living or give it up together and face the inevitable struggles and changes that go with abandoning a massively entrenched pattern of behaviour.

I’m recluctantly going for the second option. I say reluctantly because I would love to be able to be like my partner- a moderate, take it or leave it drinker. She can have a small glass of cider one day and then happily have no alcohol for weeks or months. She can enjoy A glass of wine and leave it there. I can’t. I have the cider, then want another, then maybe some wine and on and on it goes. I don’t get overly smashed because I have built up tolerance. I’m not at rock bottom,I don’t get aggressive but I know I can never be a moderate drinker. I have drunk heavily since college days, reining it in sometimes for work and family but drinking heavily to the point where I know it’s now doing me harm.

I’ve chosen to drink heavily over the years and the result is that I have lost the ability to control it when I do drink or I spend massive amounts of energy trying to control it in such a way that I do not enjoy myself. So there we have it, my partner and many friends are at the sensible end of the alcohol use spectrum and I’m going towards the other end.

Tried moderation

Yep, tried the moderation bit. I was so reluctant to give up my lovely alcohol and it’s seductive sensations that I was determined to control and master it. I counted units, kept bar graphs, had reminders on my phone to keep track of my drinking but all to no avail. Once I was in the pub or opened that wine, felt that first pleasurable wave of comfort, little voices would start saying, “You deserve this Jim, don’t become a miserable bastard like those abstainers, enjoy yourself- go on – have a drink boy.!”

So what’s different about me?

Yes this is the crux? Why do some people develop a problematic relationship with alcohol whilst others are fine? It will be a different answer I suppose for each drinker who develops a problem although there will be many things in common. For me it was growing up in a drinking culture, being anxious around girls, having an addictive risk taking personality, lots of reasons. But the reasons are, in a way, not important – I am where I am. Knowing what I know, I can now safely say that I need and want to try giving up alcohol completely.

Abstinence is easier than moderation

In January I had to lower my cholesterol. My doctor was suggesting statins. I didn’t want that and said that I’m sure if I cut out booze I would lose weight and less weight and no booze would bring my cholesterol down. It worked. I gave myself three months and my cholesterol lowered. I went back to the doctor but she said risk was still there due to a family history of heart attacks. back to square one and I thought,”why did I bother?” and started drinking again. But during that three months I noticed some strange things and that is what helped me reach my conclusion to stop drinking in three weeks time. More of that next time. This post has gone on long enough!

Thanks for dropping by

Jim x PS any constructive criticism/advice on blog (layout/content/organisation what’s missing) gratefully received

Song to check out – “I drink” by Mary Gauthier. Now an ex drinker. Great song by a great lady- one day I shall attend one of her songwriting workshops!

Building Up To a Big Change

Frogs- Proof that change is possible!

Hello. I started a short lived blog about 2 years ago.  I was trying to go for moderation in my alcohol consumption and had varying degrees of success and failure.  I was going in circles with the blog and got tired of just writing about alcohol all the time. It drove me to drink! I think I also got tired of the cliched alcohol blog and didn’t want to end up there– you know hitting rock bottom, drink as the enemy, 300 days sober, another relapse- all pretty depressing stuff.  This is not a dig at the many people struggling with alcohol- it is a serious subject as I know only too well and the pain and struggle are real.  I just couldn’t connect with the way it was usually approached.

So what’s changed? Well, let’s be clear. I love(d) alcohol. I’m not an alcohol hater and I envy those that can enjoy the odd tipple.  Alcohol has given me some fantastic highs as well as miserable lows.  It’s a substance, it has no mind of its own, it’s neither good or bad, it is what it is.  So why the return to blogging?  Well I have decided that I’m going to end my relationship with alcohol as a drinker. We are over as a couple, I’m walking away, it just hasn’t worked out. I love it – the taste of good wine, great complex British ales, a sharp refreshing G and T. Indeed in an ideal world I’d love to carry on drinking – but….. the downsides are stacking up as bigger than the upsides.  It’s simple- I’m not good at moderating, the ill effects are increasing and I’m tired of thinking about when, what, how much I should drink, the hangovers, weight gain, poor sleep etc. I want to be free of that but it comes at a cost. A cost that I am no longer willing to pay. But, the separation will be painful.

Much of my social life has been built around booze and trips to pubs. I enjoy trying new wines and beers, I like getting squiffy- in short I shall be giving up a lot.  So, not a decision to be taken lightly. It’s about weighing up pros and cons and it now feels like I’m in a relationship where it used to be great but has now gone sour-it’s doing me more harm than good- so it’s got to go. It will be hard.  It also has to be a journey that’s more than just about giving up alcohol. It’s about discovering new ways of being, of socialising, of drinking liquids that are great but non alcoholic. My world is about to change. Alcohol has been my “friend” for nearly 50 years and losing her will feel like a bereavement, but one of us has to go and I don’t want it to be me!

As I shall be starting on my journey in a fresh way I thought I should start a new blog, so if you have followed me on “Sweet Poison” or stumbled across this and want to follow my new journey please join me; I’d love the company and also your insights and advice. I hope that if I stumble across some new insights/strategies/surprises along the way these may in turn prove useful in some way to one or two people out there.

All scary but exciting stuff for me anyway. I aim to stop drinking on 2nd September. I will post a couple of pieces on here about my preparations and a little bit more about why I have taken this decision. On a broader front I want to look at why we all find it so difficult to make the changes we know we should make but which often elude us. That’s maybe for next time.

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Just a nice picture of some flowers- why not

Thanks for stopping by and I’d welcome your company on my new journey. I hope it is going to be transformative.

Jim x