El Soberista now takes on Los Bastardos

Last post was self congratulatory. I’m done with booze, I don’t need it.  I’d taken on the drunks and heavy boozers, the tipsy and sodden losers and I had won.  I had faced them fair and square and was pleased with my life alcohol free or LAFing as I now call it. But this weekend a new breed of drinker entered my domain… Yes, I came face to face with ………

LOS BASTARDOS
Now Los Bastardos are that breed of drinker that can enjoy one glass of wine and make it last 2 hours.  That’s who have been staying with me the last two days. Nice people, sophisticated people.  That’s what makes them bastards. It’s easy to dismiss and feel aloof about pissheads and drunkards but moderate, sensible drinkers project a calm self assurance and discipline that screams,”oh so you have a problem Jim, you can’t drink in moderation so now you’re missing out on this wine, brought to you direct from the wine god Bacchus, an elixir, life enhancing, so smooth and velvety , poor Jim, you weak, pathetic excuse for a human being.”

Anyway they arrive Friday night, conversation a little awkward.  They are quite formal people. I feel a bit anxious. I find it hard to speak, is there a speech therapist in the room! The booze would have helped, but I’m stranded.  I open the wine they brought; a really nice full bodied Rioja.  They also bought me some Trappist beers. This was turning into some kind of sadistic torture.  “Here we are Jim, really good examples of what used to be the centre of your life. Here they are, they’re yours.. But you can’t bloody have them!” Bastards!

As the evening wears on I feel more relaxed and don’t really miss the wine.  What intrigues me is how slowly they drink. With me, the first glass was a palate cleanser. Down in one, quick alcohol shot and now let’s enjoy the second, make it last, let’s see, about 10 minutes.  That’s how to drink. But they sat there, drinking slowly, enjoying, savouring it.  I knew they were doing it deliberately, taunting me; the bastards.  I wanted to reach for the Rioja and bludgeon both of them over the head with the bottle.  Death by Rioja. Everyone would be bemused, Netflix would make a documentary about it but I would know why they had to be dispatched.  Instead I smiled and poured them more wine.

Towards the end of the evening, the bottle was finished. 3 people, 3 hours, 1 bottle.  Who are these people? I knew as host I had to offer more booze.  All I had were a few bottles of very expensive Chinon given to me as part of a retirement present. “Oh yes please,” they exclaimed.  I opened it, my wine! I poured it, my present! They supped it, those bastards.

The bastards had a nice evening and in truth so did I.  I didn’t really miss the drink but the evening highlighted for me why I’ve embarked on this journey. I was not and I doubt I ever could be a moderate, one glass an evening guy. In truth I’m not sure I would want to be. Everything in excess isn’t that what they say? It was an interesting experience and all part of the journey and of course my guests were far from being bastards.  The only bastard was my resentful, bitter, selfish former self trying to raise his pathetic, drink loving head. Down Boy!

Onwards and Upwards my friends, keep LAFing!

Jim x

25 thoughts on “El Soberista now takes on Los Bastardos

  1. Kate Hufstetler

    I was a drinker just like you were. FAST. I couldn’t believe a bottle of wine was meant for three people when I had some (some bottles). Enjoy your LAFing and keep posting. I laughed out loud when you bludgeoned then with the bottle I could feel you emotions about why they needed it LOL

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  2. nomorebeer2019

    I LAFed so much reading this. And as usual so much resonated with me: the “palate cleanser” first glass, the “I poured it, MY WINE” reluctance, the resentful bitterness… aaaaah sigh. My own internal former self was screaming “noooooo DON’T GIVE THEM THE CHINON! Give them the trappist beers !!!” as I read. But the fact that you did really really really shows something, it’s heavy with meaning. You generously and freely gave other people something your former self would have wanted to cling to for dear life, and thereby revealed to yourself and to the world how “YOU DON’T NEED DAT SHIT NO MORE” as they say here in the USA. Huge move, EL Soberista. Hard to beat!!! I’m curious: how/when did you tell them you weren’t drinking? Cause they seemed not to know when they arrived, and I think that would have been the trickiest part for me: being put on the spot facing rather formal people and turning down the gift they intentionally brought me without seeming “impolite”. anyway, WELL DONE Jim !!!! I will bravely follow your example this week in Paris ! xxx Anne

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    1. Jim Simmonds Post author

      Hi Anne
      My partner did tell them when they said they were bringing the Trappist beers that I wasn’t drinking but I wanted them anyway. I gave one to my son, I’ll give some others away but I’ll keep one or two with my 20 year old Cuban cigar and maybe in my last days on this earth I might just light up, down the beer and say a relaxed goodbye. They were fine about it by the way. Good luck in Paris !
      Jim x

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      1. nomorebeer2019

        🙂 wow so great to have the support of your partner 🙂 And yes to going out with a blast lol 🙂 Thanks I am about to go to the airport, I’ll be on here often I think, as a safety measure xxx Anne

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  3. Dwight Hyde

    My only explanation is they must have been aliens impersonating your human friends! Can so relate. I needed mass quantities in a short time. A gulper. Still am. Catch myself swilling water and telling myself slowwww down🤪. You touched on something else that’s been stirring around me. This anxiety sober dragon. I’ve been getting more social and am discovering in a social scene I’m good for about 2 hours and then the anxiety starts swarming in. I’ve always had alcohol in the past to take off this edge and lean on but no more. It’s not that I even want to drink. It’s just that something that’s been baked into me like you can’t possibly be comfortable in your sober skin. There’s so many pieces to sobriety. Keep up the great work Jim!

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    1. Jim Simmonds Post author

      Yes I like that, the anxiety sober dragon. With me the anxiety is at the beginning for you later on. It’s just conditioning like you say and that will, I’m sure , lessen with time. Thanks for your comment Dwight- and keep on getting out there. Jim x

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  4. Lovie Price

    lolololol…very cool read…i don’t believe in my world i have ever even met anyone like that, but i have read about them ( pretty sure it was fiction)…..sip is NOT a word i understand well..even with water or coffee:)

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