I HATE DRY JANUARY

Ok I’m getting on, I can’t deny it or fight it.  I’m 64 just like the Beatles song laments. 64! It’s not the new 44 it’s bloody 64. With age should come wisdom and some maturity and yet at the age of 64 I have just had what can only be described as a childish temper tantrum. I have thrown my toys out the proverbial pram.  I want to stamp my feet and scream,”It’s not fair!”.  This time it’s not the impending disaster of Brexit, the new virus about to engulf us or global warming, it’s DRY JANUARY.

You think I’d be happy.  I’ve stopped drinking, I’m a Soberista.  I am part of a new movement, part of a paradigm shifting change of consciousness. Sober is cool.  Trouble is it’s only cool when there’s a few of you doing it.  Cool is shunning convention, taking an alternative path.  For the last 5 months I’ve been cool, the sober one, the man of mystery and intrigue, “Did you know Jim’s not drinking, he’s a different man, I think he now hangs out with cool people, engages in 5 hour tantric sex sessions, he’s so unconventional, oh Jim you are just so fucking special.” There that’s it

I WAS THE NON DRINKER- THE SPECIAL ONE

NOW, well now it’s Dry sodding January and suddenly everyone is a non drinker. They stop for one measly little month and act like the big I AM. Makes me sick, more than that it makes me, well, just like everyone else.

On Friday I was at a concert. Cafe style set up, bring your own food and drink.  There’s me with my AF beer, expensive Seedlip and tonic, thinking that’ll impress this crowd of boozers but when I look round and I see a sea of Non alcoholic drinks.  Everyone has apparently gone alcohol free.  Then it dawned on me, it’s dry January.  Great! Suddenly I’m not special. I’m just part of the crowd.  I nearly went out and bought a bottle of Absinthe just to be different.  “Get a grip Jim,” I said to myself.  I survived the night even though no-one came up to me to tell me how wonderful I was for not drinking.  That was tough as my new cravings are validation and praise for being self denying and inspirational.  It passed though. I didn’t even make a scene.  I wanted to scream out, ” You fair weather soberistas make me sick, you think 4 weeks of not drinking makes you my equal, well think again, you’re pathetic.  This time next week you’ll all be drinking again after indulging in a sober porn wank fest.” I realised I was in danger of losing my mind. My care worker took my hand as she could see I was agitated.  We left early.

I hate Dry January.

Jim x

30 thoughts on “I HATE DRY JANUARY

  1. clairei47

    Hey Jim, I think you may have scared all those ‘dry Jan’ folk into never considering a seedlip and tonic again. That is if the price didn’t already put them off! And 5 hrs of tantric sex? Are you sure you haven’t been at the whisky?
    Don’t worry though my friend, only 5 more days left and then you can return to being ‘THE’ Soberista. The one and only, oh so special and important, man who can – Jimbo!! 5 more sleeps Jimmy 😁 x

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  2. emmachadwick1981

    So funny! I feel like this about January gym goers! They fill the gym up, I can’t use what I want to use because there is a 10 deep queue, I just want to say fuck off and go sit back on your couch! Lol! What I should be thinking is good for you guys for giving it a go! O well, we are not perfect!

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    1. clairei47

      That’s so true Emma! I can’t even book onto my classes at the moment because they are hogging the spaces!! 😡 I mean, I know I’ve cancelled 90% of my class bookings in the past 3 weeks but that’s not the point!

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  3. jacquelyn3534

    You crack me up! Where I live it seems nobody around me even knows what “Dry January” is. LOL! Maybe they should as it could help a few people I know! Hehehehe!
    Funny thing, I just recently posted how happy I am with how “Dry January” is going for me. My friend, however, that was going to do it with me has definitely failed on the weekends. She even text me and said “I have to admit I bought a bottle of wine tonight but after that, I will be right on track.” Yah ok, I’ll stay on track. LOL!

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  4. nomorebeer2019

    HAHAHAHA loved this post so much ! You will always be the one and only Jim Simmonds to me Jim !!! 🙂 And I don’t know how (un)serious you were with this sentence, but it gave me food for thought “my new cravings are validation and praise for being self denying and inspirational”. Gulp…. now that soberista living is so “familiar”, this month I have been noticing a slight increase in cravings (including for cigarettes) and in “I’ve done this sobriety thing long enough, time for something different” thinking…. could it be because the novelty and “specialness” of sobriety has worn off and being replaced by a giant “now what?” in my addictive junkie mind? Anyway I wish more people were doing dry january here in the USA…. like everyone in the comments I certainly have not seen a difference with other months. Next year you should come and spend dry January in Trump-land and be very very special together with the American wordpressers 😉 xxx Anne

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    1. Jim Simmonds Post author

      Hi Anne, ah you’re very perceptive. That line about validation was the uncomfortable truth lurking beneath the irony. We do often need validation, a pat on the back etc and like you I’ve felt that “what next…” feeling. Realising now that dry January is a uk phenomenon I shall have to do a non ironic post in favour of it. Jim x

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      1. nomorebeer2019

        🙂 yes, and you’re right: craving validation and craving a drink are different things – and if i had to choose I suppose I’d rather live with the former xxxx ❤ Anne

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