Opening Time!

It was a dream that felt like a nightmare. I was in a pub with siderooms that went on seemingly for ever. The beer was flowing from huge barrels placed on the long bars and the whole pub was filled with the noise of loud talking, laughter and shouting. There were people everywhere, crammed so close together that I could feel their breath on my face. 40 years ago that would have been a wonderful dream, a vision of heaven; now it was a COVID nightmare, a vision of hell. Later in the dream it got seriously weird.The anonymous faces took on an identity and I realised that all the drinkers were fellow bloggers. It was a sober bloggers’ pissfest. Arghhh! I woke in a hot sweat.

That dreammare got me thinking; wouldn’t it have been fun to have experienced, just once, drinking with some of the now sober bloggers. I think we would have had some night, great craic as the Irish say, well, great up to the point we all failed to put on our drinking brakes (actually this has now been established as a design flaw in the soberblogger range- they made an alcohol-fueled, super- charged model but some idiot forgot to add a drinkbrake- madness!). With no drinkbrake to apply us sober bloggers would have turned a fun night down the pub into a drinking frenzy of inappropriate personal comments, a disregard of social distancing, embarrassing dancing, rampant flirting followed by … well I’ll leave you to fill that in.

Of course the dream I had and images I’m describing are related I’m sure to the imminent opening of bars and restaurants here in the UK next weekend. Last year I was a drinker and if I were still a drinker I’d be planning which pubs to visit on that opening day. Thank God I don’t drink. Forget the nostalgia of cosy English pubs, I went to pubs to drink beer. That’s it. Since I stopped drinking I have been to pubs but without the need to go to a pub. It’s been where friends choose to meet but I’d be equally happy to go to a coffee shop, a park bench or a friend’s house. The pub is now longer the key place it used to be for me. I no longer yearn to go to pubs and I am now so gratefui for that fact.

Having seen some people (and it is only some but a significant some) overtake Coronavirus as the biggest threat to humanity out there with their astonishing complacency, selfishness and stupidity I have no intention of going to the pub any time soon. Thanks to not drinking I won’t miss the experience one little bit. In fact I’m looking forward to not going. So, thank you sobriety, you may just have saved my life in ways you couldnt have imagined. Cheers.

Jim X

3 Months AF – YIPPEE!

Unbelievable . Who would have thought it? In two days time it will be three months since I last had a life. I think back to how I was back in early March and it seems a lifetime ago- wasting my life hiking, meeting people, singing in close proximity to others and having, what I thought at the time, was the time of my life. – what a jerk. How deluded can one be. Now after three months being AF (Allthethingsthatmakelifeworthliving Free) I can honestly say I feel a completely different person. My life has genuinely been transformed. Being AF has brought so many advantages, I just wish I had discovered the AF lifestyle years ago. For those looking to take the plunge here I some of the things that I can now “enjoy” in my new AF life:

Ain’t life a Scream!

• I now can now relate to other people via a fuzzy computer screen and don’t have to put up with their nasty body odour
• I’ve saved a fortune not going into restaurants and cinemas
• Family gatherings where you had to think of an excuse to leave early are a distant memory
• I finally don’t have to say to people “give me some space”
• FOMO has completely dissipated. There’s no longer anything to miss out on
• My hair and beard can grow luxuriously for once
• Supermarket shopping is a pleasant, ordered experience not crammed to rafters
• Being jostled at gigs and trying to see bands over the heads of others is a thing of the past
• I wake up each day and don’t have a clue which day it is or what I should be doing
• There is absolutely no point planning anything anymore

So with all those benefits, have I any words of advice to others who want to experience the joys of being AF? Well, Yes, try and create your very own pandemic for a start. Maybe destroy large areas of natural habitat and start eating animals that previously were not part of the food chain. Create huge areas of humanity crammed into small places with not much money and you’ll soon get your AF life up and running. Even better, elect an incompetent set of leaders and then you can just settle back and watch your new AF life unfold before your very eyes without you having to do anything. Oh, there will be some tough times ahead, there are some downsides. The AF lifestyle isn’t plain sailing. You may have to witness some nasty scenes on television and watch the disadvantaged suffering disproportionately , but then again, we should all be used to that by now. As for the nasty images on the telly why not switch off the news, do a jigsaw, watch a cartoon or do a family zoom quiz.

Yes sir, 3 months AF. Who would have thought it? That’s a landmark well worth noting.

Anyone seen my mask? Hello, is anyone there?

Jim X

Kombucha! Koming at Yer!

Yes I know it’s trendy and and seen as yet another middle class “must have” but that doesn’t mean it’s bad or should be dismissed. On that basis we’d have to say goodbye to yoga, almond milk and blogging. No I’m going to put potential ridicule to one side and embrace the fact that I am a Kombucha convert. Now, I’ve come to Kombucha the long way, having heard of it years ago but never really having enough interest to find out more let alone brew the stuff. Going sober and reading numerous Sunday supplement articles changed that.

After years of experimenting with various gins (way before gin became the go to drink it seems to have become today) and various mixers, I was a keen sampler of distinctive drinks. Alcohol carries taste and the range of great drinks you can create is limitless and fairly easy. But after 40 odd years of making and shaking I give up the alcohol. Suddenly making an interesting complex drink became a challenge. I tried the exorbitantly priced “spirit” alternatives of which my favourite is everleaf. It’s a complex non alcoholic base for mixers but costs £18 for just 50cl – in other words more than most gins, working out at a staggering £36 per litre. Then I looked again at Kombucha. It ticked a lot of boxes; it was made by brewing, it was simple tea transformed by fermentation into something quite unlike tea, the process reminded me of when I used to make my own wine and beer, it involved a magical process with new magical elements such as SCOBYs, it had limitless possibilities in terms of flavourings, it was relatively easy to set up and get the equipment and it was cheap. Importantly it was something I could create myself and learn to make better and better as time went on. Yep, Kombucha ticked a lot of boxes and humble Jim could be transformed from the saddo that doesn’t drink alcohol any more into …. The Alchemist, The Kombucha King, The Creator of Magical Elixirs.

https://happykombucha.co.uk/pages/how-to-make-kombucha

Without delay I ordered my SCOBY(look it up if you want to know more), my glass jars and stoppered bottles and finally I was ready for brewing! Now, brewing and fermentation when making Kombucha does produce some alcohol but most of this becomes transformed in the process and if there is any alcohol it’s around 0.5% the same as some of the “AF” beers I drink and ripe bananas. For me, with a keen nose and brain for alcohol I have honestly not sensed any in all the Kombucha I have made. I do realise that for some though this could be an issue.

Moving on- I’ve now completed two brews and have to say I have fallen in love with Kombucha. Like a lot of fermented foods, its full of the healthy bacteria your gut needs and I’ve been drinking small amounts everyday to get my body used to the influx of goodness. It really is a magical drink. The secondary fermentation in bottles gives rise to a natural carbonation and there’s something really wonderful about pouring out this frothy drink that started life as a humble drink of tea. Then there’s the taste- well never having tried Kombucha before it’s fantastic to experience a wholly new taste, tart, fruity hard to describe. What’s great is you can brew it for longer or shorter and this will affect the acidity and sweetness- in other words each time you brew you are creating a drink that’s truly unique and which costs pennies. Once you are up and running the SCOBYs grow and can be used for the next batch and you are left with tea bags and sugar as your only costs.

Oh, one more small cost, the flavourings. Ah the flavourings. This is what makes me most excited. When you bottle your Kombucha you can add flavourings and this is when things really open up. Basically use your imagination. I’ve already experimented with things like chillis and ginger and then on the sweet side with strawberries, grapes and cherries. My favourites so far? Well the strawberry Kombucha is delicious and I also flavoured one bottle with just cut up root ginger. That’s quickly become my morning staple.

Enough! You can tell I love the stuff. I love the alchemy of it and the acquiring of knowledge around it. Like bread making, it’s simple but you need to work at it to get it just as it should be. Us non alcohol drinkers deserve a rich array of drinks which we can enjoy and for what it’s worth I’m putting Kombucha out there as something well worth a try. You can buy it ready made, but come on, where’s the fun in that!

Jim X

• 

  Brewing underway

• 

  My Scoby Hotel- My son says it looks like the contents of the Portaloo at Reading Festival

• 

  One of many flavoured Kombucha

• 

  The Kombucha keeps on coming

• 

  My babies!

The Bloody, Sodding Liebster Award

Winning this coveted award is, without doubt, one of the greatest achievements in my already glittering career and life . Let me start by thanking the nuns at the maternity hospital who delivered me on that sunny day back in….- Oh sorry-what? No, that can’t be. What are you saying? I’ve not actually won yet? You’re kidding! Only a nominee? Ridiculous. And I have to do various tasks? It’s an affront. But, for the sake of those that nominated me I shall complete the process with an open heart,and with the attitude that such an award deserves.

Here are the so-called Rules

• Thank the blogger who nominated you, and provide a link to their blog.
  • As the clear favourite to win this Oscar of the blogging world, I’d like to point out that I was nominated by not just one BUT TWO bloggers- Anne at nomorebeard and Claire at ditchingthewhininghabit. Thanks guys- they’ll be payback believe me
• Answer the 11 questions given to you.
  • Claire took the trouble to write these, Anne just lazily reused them
• Share 11 facts about yourself.
  • Believe them they will be true
• Nominate 5-11 other bloggers.
  • fat chance- I want less not more competition
• Ask your nominees 11 questions.
  • Sorry but I have washing up that needs doing
• Notify your nominees once you have uploaded your post.
  • Ha!

Answers to Claire’s/ Anne’s questions:

1. If you could have had any job/career what would it have been?  At the age of 11 I went to a chocolate factory with my school and up to the age of thirty I dreamed of being chief chocolate taster at Cadbury’s . Sadly it wasn’t to be. I had to settle on just being a UN ambassador and bringing world peace to troubled regions of the world.
2. If you were stranded on a desert island what three items would you choose to have with you?  My Liebster Award , a mirror and a rubber chicken
3. What the thing you like most about yourself? My inexhaustable humility
4. If you could relive one day again, exactly as it was before, what day would it be and why? the day fairly recently when I was first nominated for the Liebster Award. My life changed forever on that momentous day.
5. If you could only see one more band/singer live, who would it be? The Wurzles singing their classic hit- I’ve got a brand new combine harvester
6. What is your biggest achievement in your life so far? Winning the Liebster Award
7. What’s your favourite way to relax (keep it clean please!)? Cleaning
8. You can have a superpower for a year. Which one would you choose? The power to defeat all known viruses and to go back in time and kiss Susan, the prettiest girl in my primary class.
9. What’s your favourite time of day and why? That lovely 24hr spell between midnight and midnight. No other part of the day quite lives up to this.
10. What are you most afraid of?  losing my reading glasses
11. What are your ‘words to live by?’ “sausages used to be meatier in the 1960s” and “do you have any other AF beers besides Becks Blue”

11Facts about Me:

1. I identify as male most of the time
2. I wear size 9 shoes
3. I have white hair
4. I used to have a flat mate that drank more than me
5. I have been married 3 times
6. I have been divorced three times
7. Marriage is a tricky business
8. Divorce is expensive
9. Im getting older with each year
10. I hate writing lists
11. I like it when lists end

My nominees :

• Please God, this has to end somewhere or everyone will eventually be a nominee!

In reality of course these awards are superfluous. Who needs them? All these sobriety blogs have different and distinctive voices. They all contribute to a thriving community that provides amazing support and encouragement to others dealing with related issues. In my book they are all already winners. I thank you.

Jim X

Returns and Temptations

I feel like an agoraphobic who has just let the situation get out of hand. You know, the longer you leave it to take those tentative steps outside the harder it gets. That’s how its felt with blogging, you leave it for a few days, then a couple more. You realise you really should look at some of your fellow blogger’s blogs and make a few comments.  Show you’re still part of the community, but you don’t  and then guilt kicks in. You deal with that by more avoidance and pretty soon it feels as if you’ll never get back. I say to myself that maybe I don’t need to blog any more.  I started it to help me give up the booze, well job done, its been 9 months without drinking. No need to blog anymore. Except of course if everyone did that who’d be there to support the newbies? More guilt. 

Time to stop the rot, open that metaphorical door and step out into open air of blog land.  I’ve missed it. I’ve missed the interaction. I’ve missed giving and receiving the support. I know why I’ve been absent. Family issues, lack of focus and motivation; all, in the end, excuses. So what to report?

I did nearly start drinking again. For real.

Not in some miserable, what’s the point kind of way more in a “it’s a sunny day, I miss the warm fuzzy feeling of enjoying a great wine whilst sitting amongst the flowers and feeling at one with the world” kind of way. This must have happened to a lot of ex drinkers I’m guessing. That remembrance of why you used to drink in the first place-it was fun, enjoyable, it made you feel good. I loved my beer and wine and for a couple of weeks I thought to myself ,”Why on earth are you denying yourself Jim?”

Fuck the blog I thought, fuck that austere, fun-less world you’ve inhabited for 9 months. Life is too short. Others manage it.  Everyone else on the regular Sunday Zoom family quiz was knocking back the booze and enjoying themselves.  Stop the nonsense and live a little I would say to myself. You can be sensible.  I pictured myself as a sensible drinker once more enjoying all the pleasures of booze without the downsides.  I’d learnt my lesson so can I now join the living and go back to sociable drinking.

I came close, very close.

I put forward some damn fine reasons for me to start again. But something stopped me.  I knew this was a big decision, a fork in the road that would shape my life’s journey for months or years to come. I gave myself a week or two to consider. If I felt the same way after a couple of weeks, I’d pick a day and I’d open a cold Guinness that I kept in the garage fridge, then I’d have one of my Belgian Trappist beers also in the garage. Oh this seemed a great day in the making.  After the beers, my visualisation was showing me, I’d have a glass or two of a lovely Malbec that’s sitting in my wine rack and finish off with some large gin and tonics. Oh dear. I saw it all clearly. That’s when I realised I can’t go back to drinking.  I wasn’t envisaging a single beer or a glass of wine, I was imagining a full blown binge drinking session which is exactly what would have happened.  I don’t drink because I’m shit at moderating and before I know it I’d be back to hangovers, excess weight, irritability etc etc. 

This, it strikes me is the real challenge of staying sober.  Reminding oneself of how bad things had been, how easy it would be to return to those grim days, the days obsessing about alcohol, planning things around the next drink, moving quickly from the first enjoyable drink to the 6th or 7th where you start to feel rough and wish you’d never started.  Looking back helped me make the right decision for my future. I gave up drinking for good reasons and those are still pertinent. It’s not always easy staying sober but it’s definitely better than what was there before.

A few days after my Jesus in the desert moment I decided to expand my range of alcohol alternatives as a distraction and investigated the making of Kombucha.  I love drinking interesting tasty drinks and felt that Kombucha could fit the bill. I’ll leave the report on that episode for the next post. Suffice it to say I’m hooked. My moment of temptation had passed.

In conclusion I’d say to anyone in the early days of giving up, yes, you’re more than likely to miss alcohol and start to think you could have a different relationship to it if you started again. Those feelings of missing the booze do go and just remind yourself of why you gave up in the first place. I know I have more freedom, peace of mind and happiness sober than I ever had whilst drinking, For that I’d happily forgo the very transient, fuzzy feel good of what was often only ever the first few beguiling sips of alcohol. I made the right choice 9 months ago and it’s still the right choice. It’s good to be back.

Jim x