Hi My Name’s Jim, I eat too much!

I just want to get this post out of the way so I’ve decided that I’m going to dictate it using voice recognition software. I hate using it but I just need to get this done and finished and out there. 

So, as you can guess, my diet is officially, like Monty Python’s parrot, completely dead. It’s expired, it’s lifeless, dead as the proverbial dodo (interesting that I just had to manually correct that last word as dictation software wanted to put dead as the proverbial dildo).

Like the parrot, Jim’s diet is now dead!

I was at a socially distanced outdoor children’s birthday party on Sunday. Of course I wasn’t drinking but I was eating and I was also observing how I ate in comparison to how other people ate. It didn’t take me long to realise why I struggle with diets. It was quite clear that I eat the way I used to drink; excessively with moderation completely thrown out the window. Whilst other people picked up the occasional crisp I was cramming handfuls into my mouth. When the hot sausage rolls appeared most people politely picked up one whereas I, on the other hand, managed about four within the first five minutes of them appearing. I was not eating like other people. I was devouring food. I was not eating to satisfy hunger, it was some anxiety generated, emotionally damaged,bored black hole I was trying to fill. I was suffering from some strange affliction. One could just say I was just being a greedy pig but that doesn’t sound good to me as it smacks of moral weakness, “Eataholic”is more reassuring as it takes responsibility away from me and locates it in a condition over which I have no control but is clearly nonsense.

Then it hit me, I talk too much, when I smoked I smoked too much, when I drank I drank too much, often when I eat I eat too much, I used to do a lot of drama in other words I love the sound of my own voice, I play music and have the need to sing all the time; it’s quite clear I’m orally fixated. Freud would love me, he would say I’m a perfect example of someone who didn’t go through that initial oral phase in a satisfactory manner. I got stuck there and constantly seek comfort and pleasure from all things connected with my mouth. And yes my mother had to stop breastfeeding me quite early and so at last I now know why diets do not work for me. It’s my mother’s fault! She should’ve carried on breastfeeding me then I wouldn’t have had all these problems with smoking, drinking and eating. Simple.

I jest of course. There may be a slight element of truth in what Freud had to say but of course his theory of psychosexual development does not really stand up to scrutiny. What I can say though is that consuming alcohol and food has been my way of coping with a certain level of social anxiety and an inner void, of which I’m increasingly aware. The fact is that on occasion I do eat excessively and diets alone will not work for me, I have to look at the why of my eating?

What this all means is that I have to approach cutting down on food the same way I approached giving up alcohol, I have to dig more into the reasons why I really eat and find a way of managing some of those compulsions. As I said before the option to just quit food isn’t an option so it will be very different to how I tackle booze in that with food it will be about moderation. It will be about stopping certain foods and it will be about monitoring how I eat, when I eat, types of food and the quantities. Crucially though I need to do the work of what emotionally I’m trying to comfort and suppress when I do eat excessively. Maybe that’s been long overdue so now is the time stop blaming my mother and dive into that emotional void.  That should be fun! Wish me luck.

Jim X

24 thoughts on “Hi My Name’s Jim, I eat too much!

  1. clairei47

    Look at you using voice recognition. I like it … very down with the kids.
    So the diet has been abandoned, the spreadsheets proverbially torn asunder. No more monitoring food intake and poops. Filling a void is interesting. I found myself yesterday feeling really hard done by. I’m away on hols and I can’t drink and my diet doesn’t allow for lovely treats or even a coffee from a little cafe. I am craving a cream tea like a woman possessed!! I feel like my life won’t be complete without it. Yet a barely eat them normally. Why do I place such meaning on food and booze?
    Good luck with digging deeper. And put the cheesecake down 😉 x

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    1. Jim Simmonds Post author

      I think most of place multiple meanings on food and drink. We give kids sweet things as treats and surprise surprise we equate them that way when we are older. I suggest you treat yourself on your holiday- go on you deserve it😉 X

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      1. clairei47

        I’m doing ok. I’m sticking to the low carbs and at night I have a bowl of sugar free jelly, full fat creme crèche and couple of berries and 2 squares of dark chocolate and I love it. It feels like a decadent treat and it’s allowed too.

        I think I will go out for a coffee and cake one day though or have an ice cream with the boys x

        Liked by 1 person

  2. jacquelyn3534

    Wishing you tons of luck! Its so hard as I have realized at my husband’s 9:30am break I text him and say hi and tell him what’s for dinner. At 9:30am it seems important to me to know and share this. It’s like the highlight of my day to know what’s for dinner! 🤣
    PS-Totally read that as dildo!🤣😂

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  3. Untipsyteacher

    Sigh. Me too!
    I do find eating at events is a way to relieve stress, gives me something to do, as I get tired of small talk.
    At night, it’s because I’m bored, and definitely oral fixation.
    I also over eat salty and sugary foods, or spicy foods.
    I read about one guy who found the same, and only ate plain potatoes for a month, went to gym, etc. He looks great now, but can’t eat anything that has taste.
    xo
    Wendy

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    1. Jim Simmonds Post author

      Oh I couldn’t do that potato thing, love my salty, spicy stuff too much. Actually reading these comments is just making me salivate. Time for some cheese, crackers and chilli jam 😀 X

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  4. msnewleaf

    Good luck, Jim! I’ve always been jealous of those skinny people who can have a few chips or one slice of pizza and then walk away. How ridiculous! I think what you did with observing others is really important. Maybe being more aware of all of it will help over time. No easy answers!

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  5. gr8ful_collette

    The tendency for us to eat for a variety of reasons, not necessarily to sustain us is alive and well, especially for people who tend to be “excessive” in other areas. It is such a daily battle and often a losing one. I went through a period of time after I stopped drinking where a slowly lost over 35 pounds. But lately I’ve been using sugar as a reward, as a comfort, as a temporary fix, and those pesky pounds are starting to sneak back on. I think the mental dependence on food as a crutch for (fill in the blank) is just as real and strong as an dependence on alcohol can be. (Think about how hard it is to have a perfect food day, in portion size, healthy selections and no indulgences and I think you’ll see what I mean). Let me know when you find the answer…actually, that would be like finding the Holy Grail and you’d be a billionaire. So many people are in the same boat! Xx

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    1. Jim Simmonds Post author

      What an incentive- I’m going to hunt down that holy grail😉. Interesting what you say about sugar. I never used to like sweet things but since I gave up the booze sugar intake has been up. Time to tackle that particular issue I think. X

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  6. drgettingsober

    I would treat it like early goes at giving up the booze – you’ve learnt a lot about why you eat too much from the party – social anxiety and the void – why not get some therapy and just observe as you are doing what and when you eat – I’m lucky this isn’t an issue for me now – was when I was younger – just the smokes to go for me and the latest addiction of online jigsaws – might have to keep that one! Take care Jim – lovely to hear from you 😘😘

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    1. Jim Simmonds Post author

      You’re right. Giving up booze was not an overnight thing. It was years in the making and I suppose Ive never really looked at food in quite the same way- I suppose it also is that despite being a bit overweight, I’m healthy, fit and so it’s not had the same pressing need to change impact that booze had. I’ve got it- I’ll pig out, become obese then I will have to change! X

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  7. Dwight Hyde

    Good luck Jim! Climbing out of a slippery rut takes so much work physically and emotionally, but as you said it we did it with alcohol. When we focus and commit we’re unstoppable!! It begins with courage to change😊

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    1. Jim Simmonds Post author

      That Dwight is why this is soooo frustrating. You’d think cracking alcohol would mean everything else is easy or maybe giving up the booze has expended all our virtuous fuel supplies! Who knows 😇

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  8. Addy

    If you find the key, let me know. I’m finding I have been eating for England since lockdown. Two magnum ice lollies for a dessert is acceptable, yes? Fortunately, I have only put on two pounds, but even so……

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    1. Jim Simmonds Post author

      Well interestingly since I abandoned my diet I’ve lost a couple of pounds. I think a lot of it is not focusing on food so much and gradually being able to get back into some of my sporting activities- 2 magnums- now that is very naughty😉

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  9. nomorebeer

    Great post Jim. Yes, i think in the end the addictive part of us, the “i want more” part, doesn’t really care about what the “substance” is. Food, booze, monopoly, monty python films, whatever. Digging deeper is a great plan. xoxoxoxo Anne

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    1. Jim Simmonds Post author

      But I’m beginning to think I’m even addicted to the digging! A week of forgetting about food and no digging has resulted in a couple of pounds weight loss- maybe that’s my new approach, que sera sera! X

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      1. nomorebeer

        hahahaha yes, maybe it’s the same as with sobriety: once we stop obsessing about the alcohol and focus on the other things of life, it becomes much easier to sustain (???) Weight is a tricky one – you and Claire are living proof of this. Much respect to the both of you! xxx Anne

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